Darkness vs Light

I had great insight today.

This afternoon we met with our priest. My oldest has been having some troubles that we needed his guidance on. He talked about how evil (those who work for Satan) are always among us. The little voice that tells you to do something bad or causes you to fight with another for example. Life on the evil side can seem grand and very tempting but it comes with a great price. There is pain and consequence. When you tell evil to be gone in the name of the Lord your life can become quite difficult. Not because God makes it that way but that evil is trying to deter you and make you want to turn back to the darkness where life appears wonderful.

As I listened to him I thought of my ex. He never knew the light of God and was definitely full of darkness. Religion was not huge in our married life although I was raised in a strong Anglican family. I tried to raise our children in the church but he often thwarted my plans. I see now that evil was working in him and trying to keep me away from God. Coincidently life also had its perks then. We owned a home and had financial security.

When I decided that my children and I had to flee I knew there would be hardships, but I was not prepared for what we faced. We lost our home and I my career due to my health difficulties. Sometimes it felt the battle was a constant uphill climb, BUT in that climb we found God again. We have His unconditional love!

Whether one believes or not I think my realization is prevalent either way. When I was with evil life comforts were easy to come by. When I turned away from evil and back to the lord every obstacle was put in my path in hopes, I believe, that I would turn back to evil, go back to my ex and enjoy the material comforts. I have often referred to my marriage as to when I married the devil. Today I realized how true that statement is. He may not be the devil himself but he is definitely full of the darkness the devil offers.

Gladly I will walk with the Lord and no longer ask, “Lord why have you made recovery so difficult?” I will now look at each trial as evils attempt to pull me back to the darkness. I will rise to each challenge and not let it pull me back. I will keep moving towards Gods light.

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How does one deal with the fact their husband wanted to kill them?

How does one deal with the fact their husband wanted to kill them?

Thankfully for many this is a question they never have to face, but for victims of Domestic Violence it is all too common.  In fact many never get to ask this question and  pay the ultimate price. For those of us who survive, looking death in the face at the hands of your spouse is hell on earth.

Years ago when I married my ex I trusted him. I took vows and believed he would love and care for me for the rest of my life. I took care of him and I believed he would do the same. Unfortunately that was not the case. His inner promise, that I didn’t understand at the time, was to destroy me.

My ex threatened my life verbally and he terrorized me for years. This took a toll on my physical and mental health. I lost an incredible amount of weight, I could no longer eat or sleep. I was slowly dying.

The scariest thing for me was when I faced the fact he knew exactly what he was doing to me. None of his actions were by accident. They were all coldly calculated and very controlled.  He even admitted to it in a calm, cool and indifferent manner. I now know that if I had stayed I would not be here today.

So how does one deal with the fact their husband wanted them dead? I really do not know. I wrestle with this question daily and I fight with it in my sleep.  Part of me logically understands that he wanted me dead. He probably still does. Then there is the other part of me, my heart that cannot accept that the man I loved, married and gave three children too would want to see me wiped out. It is a surreal thought.

Ways to stay safe after you have left;

Protect your privacy.
  • Screen calls with caller ID and request your phone numbers not be listed in directories.
  • Some states offer confidential mail forwarding services for domestic abuse victims so you can avoid giving out your physical address. A post office box can also help keep your street address private.

Close your bank and credit card accounts. If needed, reopen them in your name only.

Program emergency phone numbers into your cell phone. Just a note, do NOT program 911 into your phone per emergency service workers.  Too often they can be called in error when this is done causing unnecessary call outs.
Change your routine when possible. Take different routes home from work, and avoid shopping or visiting in the same locations
Tell those around you that you just left an abusive home. Show pictures of your partner to your neighbors and the local police so they can be prepared if he comes through the neighborhood looking for you. Ask your neighbors to call the police if they see suspicious vehicles or people at your home.

About Janet B:

I am a Domestic Violence Survivor, who battles PTSD. I share what I know to help others on their journey and to help educate society. I also Supervise a Mentoring Program at Verbal Abuse Journals (http://verbalabusejournals.com/). This program matches Survivors who have been out of the abusive relationship for a few years, and are now Mentors,  with Survivors who are either still in an abusive relationship or have just left. A mentoring relationship is set up via email where the Mentor offers guidance and support to the Survivor for as long as they need. Please feel free to sign up for this free service at  http://ow.ly/LSii8

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