I met my abuser when I was 22 yrs old. We were together for 15 yrs and we had three children together. Over the span of the 15 yrs I was verbally, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and sexually abused by my husband. I had my fingers crushed in a door one day because I wasn’t listening. I was pushed down a flight of stairs when I was seven months pregnant, left there alone to regain my consciousness and call a doctor for help. I was publically humiliated more than I can even remember and was called every single bad name in the book. My credit was ruined by my husband leaving me struggling to survive post seperation, I was sexually abused by him and had my life threatened more than once. Then after all of this was over, after I was free, I was given another big blow; I now had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) due to the years of abuse. I suffered night terrors, flashbacks, a severe lack of focus and hypervigilence. I felt like I was living in hell.
My doctors had me leave my well paying job to salvage my health and apply for disability. I lost my home. I went into hiding for a period of time so that my husband, who was stalking me, would possibly lose sight of me and then I could breathe again.
After all of this tragedy. After all of this pain I have been asked “how do you keep going?” My answer; God. God has kept me going. There were times in my marriage where I literally fell on my knees begging for God to save me. Asking for guidance on how to escape, how to stay alive. I did not get my answer by hearing a booming voice and a large clap of thunder. God came to me in strength. It was the strength I found every day to get out of bed. To make breakfast for my kids and get them off to school. It was the strength I found to report everything to the RCMP and let them protect me with restraining orders. It was the strength I found to share my story with others and to finally cry. God kept me from crashing. He reminded me everyday that I had three children depending on me to make it through this mess. So I did. I picked myself up off the floor and faced every battle head on. Whether it was struggling to make ends meet when my husband stopped paying child support, facing his families wrath for speaking the truth or just me trying to love me again. When I stumbled and wanted to give up I felt God put his love around me and say “Get up my dear child. This battle isn’t over yet.” I would breath. Sometimes I would even try to argue with God but in the end I always got back up because I am a fighter. With God by my side I am a Survivor.
About Janet B
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