The Smear Campaign. Ugh. If you are a Survivor of abuse expect your name to be smeared by your abuser. It’s an ugly part of the game that abusers play, but I have learned, a very expected one.
When you are being abused your abuser wants you to live in a world of silence. They, for obvious reasons, do not want anyone to know that they are hurting you. If anyone finds out they could be in a heap of trouble legally and would probably lose friends and family and possibly their job. They have a lot to lose so they will do whatever it takes to protect themselves and that includes smearing the name of their victim. It’s all about deflection.
Deflection is a move that many of us learn as children. For example your child breaks the heirloom gift Great Aunt Susie gave when they were born. As a parent you are upset and the child is afraid of what the consequences will be if they tell you the truth. Instead they make up a story and blame the dog. Suddenly the dog is being punished and being told it is a bad dog. Everyone is so busy scolding the dog that no one looks to the child anymore. They may even feel sorry for your child. Abusers are experts at deflection. Under no circumstance do they want anyone looking directly at them for what has gone wrong. It is always someone else`s fault, mainly yours and they will make sure everyone remembers how `bad`you are by smearing your name.
My ex has recently taken to social media to smear my name. He has started to publicly call me a liar, accuse me of parental alienation and that he is my victim. I have watched this from afar and I`ll be honest I do not expect anything less of him. He is an abuser and this is what abusers do. They smear their victims name so that others feel sorry for them and don`t look at the damage they have caused. It is classic textbook abuser behaviour. If anything his online behaviour proves once more that he is an abuser.
So, if your abuser starts to smear your name take a deep breath. Know that this is part of their abusive behaviour, but you are better than this childish behaviour. Remember that you know the truth and deep down so do they. They can deflect all they want, but in the quiet of the night I will guarantee they are the ones having trouble falling asleep. They know that they hurt you and your children in unspeakable ways and they have to live with that. You, on the other hand, can heal. You can and will rise above all of this. You can be happy and most importantly you CAN be free of their abuse.