As I head into the New Year I am realizing there is a shift in my healing from my abusive marriage. What is the shift? I am laughing at my ex. Yes you read that correctly, I am laughing at my ex.
I used to live in a world that was full of fear. My ex enjoyed terrorizing me, raping me, physically abusing me and our son and abusing my daughters in ways that I cannot put into words. I feared him. A lot. He liked that I was afraid and that I was hurting. Even my Lawyer, from talking to him, noted that my ex really enjoyed knowing I was in pain over what he had done. As our family doctor put it in Court, my ex is mentally unwell and is an undiagnosed Sociopath. So yes I have had every right to fear him.
So why am I laughing? Well I am laughing because my ex can no longer hurt me. His only contact is his pathetic bashing of me online. I will admit when I first found out he was attacking me on-line my PTSD kicked in and I was……well unsettled. Knowing he reads my facebook page or this blog used to bug me. I did not want him to be able to touch any part of my life. Now though……well now I really do not care. I see what he says online and I see it as pathetic and extremely predictable. Abusers will do this when you leave. They will trash your name (see my blog The Smear Campaign) to deflect from what they have done and they will watch you online because they still think of you as their property and something they own. This is what they do. Now that you know that and I know that it almost makes what they are doing pathetic don’t you think? There is nothing special in their actions, they are simply like every other hum drum abuser (is that too crass??!!) It kind of takes away their power doesn’t it? Well it certainly has for me.
So to my ex, and all of his minions who also follow me online, read away. I hope you have fun going over what I write, how I share what he did and in turn empower other Survivors to break free. Please enjoy my work. I’ll just be over here in the corner laughing at your predictability.