My “A HA” moment

Many of us when we look back in life we have a moment where our life significantly changed. A “A Ha” moment where a light bulb goes off and we realize something significant to our life. I had such a moment in 2010. 

Many of us when we look back in life we have a moment where our life significantly changed. An “A Ha” moment where a light bulb goes off and we realize something significant to our life. I had such a moment in 2010.

At the time I was working for a Telecommunications company. I had been there over a decade working in their Customer Service and Sales Department. I worked in an inbound area so that means I received calls from customers who called our 1 800 number looking for new products, questions on bills or needing a new service set up.

It was spring 2010. I was in a loveless marriage. Not just loveless it was violent. There were all forms of abuse happening to myself and my children. The previous year my husband and I had separated, but like many abused women before I ended up taking him back because I thought it was the right thing to do. I am a Christian and I took my marriage vows very seriously. I felt that I was breaking them by separating from my husband. I also had many in his family, who were from a strict Mennonite background, urging me to take him back because divorce is just not something we do. So I took him back. It was OK for awhile, but then the violence started again. The name calling, endless screaming, physically abusing myself and my toddler son and various forms of abuse done to my daughters. By Christmas of 2009 my husbands name for our son was not actually his name but he called him asshole instead. It was a horrible situation that I no longer knew how to get of safely. I was sure though that if I just stuck it out things would get better.

Then one day I was at work. When you work in a Call Centre your breaks are scheduled so that there is always the right amount of people on the phones to handle the calls coming in. Breaks were staggered throughout the office and it was very important that you as an employee followed that schedule. On this particular day I really wanted a Pepsi. It was no where near my next break but it was not busy so I thought if I quickly ran up to the break room I could grab a Pepsi, run back down and no one would miss me. So I quickly made a dash upstairs, bought my Pepsi from the vending machine and heading back downstairs. That day I was wearing black dress pants with a cuff and high heels. As I stood at the top of the stairs I stepped forward but in error my right heel got caught in my left pant leg. Suddenly it felt like my ankles were tied together. I knew I was going to fall and this was going to suck. As I feel forward I felt a push on back. Not a hard one, but one that was just strong enough to push me off balance and I started to fall forward. I threw my Pepsi so that I could grab the railing beside me in hopes to stop my fall. No such luck. It was then that I fell head first down 16 cement stairs.

As I landed at the bottom of the stairs, with my arms twisted around the railing, a manager ran forward to tell me that I was OK. He untwisted my arms and gentling moved me to the floor. I was dazed and confused but stayed conscious as another manager called 911. Soon an ambulance arrived and I was taken to a near by hospital. Upon examination I am happy to say I only broke my left hand. There were bumps and bruises but no other broken bones. It was a miracle.

It turned out that I needed surgery to fix my hand and that could not happen for a week. So my hand was carefully wrapped in a tensor bandage, I was given pain meds and was sent home. Over that week I spent a lot of time in bed, trying to handle the pain. I was at the mercy of the man who abused me to bring me my medication and I was pretty debilitated so he was left looking after the kids and cooking meals. I was stuck in bed. As I was stuck in bed I had no choice but to listen to my family. I had no choice but to hear my husband verbally abuse our children and hear the fear in their voices. I had no choice but to face what my marriage really was and face the fact that for all of our sakes I had to figure a way out of it.

So how was this my “A Ha” moment? Well I was not listening to what God was trying to tell me. God does not sanction abuse.   I thought I could handle my abusive marriage, I thought that I had it all under control. I was wrong.  God was trying to show me in so many ways that things were not OK. I didn’t. So in that moment at the top of the stairs I truly believe God used that moment to “wake me up”. The push I felt was Him. He knew I was not listening so He was going to make me. It was also His miracle that the only thing I did break was my hand. Even the paramedics were dumbfounded that I was not hurt further.

I did end up leaving my marriage, about five months later. Due to the violence in my marriage I had to safely plan our escape, but I am happy to report that we are now free.

So what was your “A Ha” moment?

 

Peace,

Janet

  Are you an abusive relationship? Do you need extra support? I supervise a Mentoring Program at verbalabusejournals.com. Here you can receive free support via email from one of our Mentors. You can sign up at http://verbalabusejournals.com/mentoring-program-for-domestic-violence-survivors/mentor-request/

If you are thinking of leaving your abusive relationship I encourage you to create a Safety Plan.  A Safety Plan helps you safely leave an abusive relationship.  Please check out this link;  http://verbalabusejournals.com/how-stop-abuse/safety-planning/  Scroll down the page it opens to download it for free.

5 thoughts on “My “A HA” moment

  1. I didn’t really have an ah ha moment. It was more of a slow dawning. After a particularly bad incident, I convinced my finance to go to see a therapist. He was as devout Catholic and took us to see a Catholic priest who was also a therapist. This was in 1967 when almost all religions encouraged women to return. Father Padovani saw us once together and then said he would only see us separately. That was God’s grace at work in my life! Over the next year, I slowly got the courage and self respect to end the relationship. At the time he was living in another country and I was still scared! I did get an ah ha about 6 months later when I received a letter from his country. It was written by a woman who was dating him. There had been an earthquake in his country. She wrote a letter trying to guilt me for not being concerned about him. I knew he’d dictated it. I kept the letter for several years. Anytime I thought i’d made a mistake, I took it out to read it.

    I’m looking forward to reading more of your blogs.
    Constance

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment Liz. Honestly I am not sure how I stayed strong. I guess I gave myself no other choice. I did not want to die at his hands and I knew that was a possibility. I also wanted my children to have a better future. I wanted a better future too. I did not want this misery to be the rest of my life so I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. Don’t get me wrong, it was not easy. There were many days where I wanted to give up, to just climb into bed and pull the blanket over my head (and there were days I did just that), but I knew I could stay there if I wanted to have a better life for myself and my children. Having a strong and supportive network of family, friends and Professionals also helped keep me focused and they picked me up when I fell. Thanks for reading my blog. Peace. ❤ Janet

      Like

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