It’s terrible when it grips you. Anxiety, is a monster all in it’s own. Your head spins, your body shakes and you are overcome by fear of the unknown. It sucks. According to Statistics Canada approximately 2.8 million people, or 10.1% of Canadians aged 15 and older, reported symptoms consistent with at least one of six mental or substance use disorders in the past 12 months. The six disorders measured by the survey were major depressive episode, bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and abuse of or dependence on alcohol, cannabis or other drugs. It is predicted that in our fast paced “always on” society the number of people battling anxiety will only go up.
I started to battle anxiety near the end of my first marriage. I was in an extremely abusive marriage where I “walked on egg shells” waiting for the next blow whether it be physically, verbally or emotionally. I was constantly fearing what was going to happen. I feared the future which is what anxiety is; fear of the unknown. A year following the end of that marriage I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), a psychiatric injury that replays your trauma through night terrors, flashbacks and intrusive thoughts. PTSD is also known as an anxiety disorder because as your mind replays your past, anxiety is twisted right in there causing you to fear the unknown. It’s a double suck.
There are many different types of anxiety. There is Social Anxiety; which is the fear of social situations and interacting with people. It is equally common between men and women, average onset is at age 13 years old and 36% of suffers will battle this anxiety for at least 10 years before seeking help. There are panic disorders, phobia’s and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), average age of onset is 19 years old with 25% of cases happening by age 14 years old. One third of adults first experienced OCD in childhood.
So what happens when anxiety hits? Myself, I shake on the inside, I rub my hands or my feet together, my heart races, I struggle to look anyone in the eye, my breath is short, fear pumps through me and I just want to hide in my bed with a cocoon of pillows and blankets. I want to feel safe. Feeling safe, feeling secure, seeking it and finding it is what my goal is when my anxiety hits. I feel like a deer caught in the headlights. One time my anxiety turned into a horrible panic attack where I thought I was having a heart attack and was rushed to the ER. Thankfully my heart was fine and I learned how gripping anxiety can be.
Resolving my anxiety, anyone’s anxiety, can involve medication, counselling and definitely takes finding good coping skills. Hiding in my cocoon is not a good one. It may be what I want to do but it really does not help me. All it does is let my anxiety sit in me and ruminate. Over the years I have learned that doing something physical helps; getting out for a walk, a horseback ride, a walk with my dogs really helps. Anxiety causes extra adrenaline to pump through your body. If that is not released you will often feel sick to your stomach and exhausted. It is best to find some healthy ways to burn it off. Other coping skills I have used is journaling, listening to peaceful music, meditating, and of course talking it out with my new husband. We have been learning together how best to cope with my mental health. It is a journey that thankfully we are taking together. Today as I poured out my fears, my unknowns he held my hand and I rubbed his with my thumb, anxiously. I laid my head on his arm and I realized that I will be OK, I am safe. I cannot control the future and I no longer need to worry about what may come. It’s a battle anxiety. One that likes to lie to you and tell you that your fears are correct, one that I and many millions have to keep kicking back. Here’s to kicking back!